I’m not sure how we got here so fast… It may only be preschool (2 days a week for 2.5 hours), but he’s essentially been by my side every day for the last three years. It’s the beginning of him going out into a world that I’m not always going to be a part of. I knew this day would come – we don’t raise our babies with the intention of keeping them home forever, but I didn’t realize how hard it would hit.
If your first baby is also starting school, remember two things can be true. You can be so excited for them to grow up and become more independent while also grieving their babyhood.
It’s funny how giving birth, sleepless nights, walking/talking and potty training all lead to this moment. One morning I’m waking up exhausted from those newborn nights and the next I’ll be packing up his backpack. We spend much of the baby time waiting for things to get easier just to wish we could go back. Honestly, I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Wanting to go back to something shows just how meaningful these little moments are, even when they’re tough.
I’ll miss the slow mornings of Noah waking up and playing with his cars until he realizes he’s hungry for breakfast and runs to me. I’ll miss him waking up his sister with a smile and laugh so big you can’t help but melt. I’ll miss our story time mornings at the library watching him recite every word with his favorite librarian. I’ll miss being his whole world.
As a stay at home mom, I’m the primary caregiver of the household. For the last three years, I’ve been the one who knows Noah’s routine, his favorite foods, the shows he’s currently obsessed with, and what makes him laugh. I know him in a way that no one else does because I’ve been there for all of it, and soon someone else will know these things too. They’ll get to hear his stories and learn his favorite things.
And while this breaks my heart a little bit, I’m so excited for his world to get a little bigger.
I’m excited to watch him walk into a room without me. I’m excited for him to make new friends and learn new things. I’m excited to hear about his day when I pick him up. I’m excited to watch him grow into the amazing little boy he is.
You can be sad and excited. You can miss the little baby that he was while loving the child he’s becoming. You can want to freeze time while also being excited for what comes next.
I blinked and he’s starting school. As hard as it is to let go of this version of my baby, I can’t wait to meet the next one. <3
If you’re in a similar season and feeling all the feels, just know you’re not alone! Motherhood is a wild and beautiful ride and I’m right alongside you. You got this!
XO,
Kassie
