Just because you became a mom doesn’t mean the things that were important to you before aren’t important anymore. A clean house, strong friendships, hobbies, fitness, career paths are things that don’t suddenly disappear the day you have children.
What can change is the way you approach these things. Even after three years of motherhood, I still catch myself trying to do everything the same way I did before having kids. This way of thinking leads to frustration and if I’m being honest, sometimes resentment. Things have changed and I’m not just responsible for myself anymore. I’m responsible for two little humans who depend on me every day. Last minute plans aren’t always possible, and my time isn’t entirely my own anymore.
Motherhood is much easier when I stop trying to force my old life into this new one. I’m sharing the habits that I’m really trying to let go of…Not because they don’t matter, but because there is usually a different way to approach them during this season of life. I hope you can find some ideas here as well.
- Cleaning All Day
- Listen, the home is my workspace. I like my workspace clean but lately I’ve felt like that’s all I do. There is literally no reason for me to clean up Noah’s cars just for him to dump them out again in 5 minutes. My kids are getting to the age where they can clean up on their own so I definitely use that to my advantage. I play The Clean Up song on our Amazon Alexa and they have a time with it. I’m also trying to avoid cleaning during nap time. That is sacred time and I’m not going to spend it cleaning. Ideally, I have two “clean up” times – one right before the kids nap and one right before they go to sleep for the night. I like to think of it as a reset This is a work in progress but I genuinely think this will help my mental load.
- Comparing My Kids To Other Kids
- Something that I think is very prevalent among moms is the comparison game. Sleep is usually one of those big topics. With Noah’s sleep being on the difficult side it’s hard to hear other moms talk about how great their kids are sleeping. It feels like you’re doing something wrong when that is most likely not the case. Something I’m learning in motherhood is that no two kids are the same – even siblings. Maybe my kid isn’t sleeping through the night but he knows his ABC’s and can count to 20! Celebrate what your kid is good at instead of wishing they did such and such like so and so. Trust me, I know this is easier said than done!
- Comparing Myself to other moms
- To keep with the comparison theme, I’m also working on not comparing myself to other moms I hang out with. Similarly, it’s important to celebrate all that you do as a mom. Instead of thinking “I should have read them one more book before bed,” you can reframe that to “I read them their favorite book and gave them my full attention” – that’s enough. Maybe I can’t always do it “all” for my kids, but I know they will never question how deeply they’re loved.
- Trying to Fill Every Day of the week
- Having plans each day doesn’t make you a better mom. I try to schedule outings in the beginning of the week when I need some motivation to get out of the house. Outings for us typically include the library, the pool or a play date! Thursday and Friday I try not to schedule things in advance so we can have some open days for flexibility or just to hang out at home. Sometimes it’s good for kids to be bored as it encourages imagination!
- Believing I need to be present every minute
- Social media will have you believing you can stay home with your kids all day but you go on your phone or tune them out for 5 minutes, and you might as well have missed their entire childhood. I’m honestly done with that propaganda. Sometimes I need to mindlessly scroll on Instagram for a few minutes or turn on a 30 minute show for my kids so I can have a minute to myself. Don’t feel bad about that. I believe as long as you make a point to be present with your kids throughout the day, you deserve to have your own time too. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time.
- Avoiding opportunities outside of motherhood
- For some reason, I’ve been pushing away opportunities to do things other than being a mom. I think I got so comfortable in this role that it was hard to break out of. Several months ago, I joined a fertility concierge company to perform at home injections for clients. Whenever the opportunity arose for me to take a job, I’d let another nurse take it. Last week I decided it was time for me to sack up and take the job – it was close to my house and was an injection I was familiar with. This was such an amazing opportunity to have something just for me and to be able to keep my toes in the water of nursing. I’ve made a promise to myself that if an injection is less then 30 minutes away, and my kids are taken care of, I’m taking the opportunity. Don’t lose sight of things that are important to you other than being an amazing mama.
- Trying to control everything
- This is probably the most important take away as a mom. Once you have a kid, you have to learn to let go – as hard as it is. You are never going to control every single thing this child does or how other people will treat them. Kids get sick, they miss naps, they yell insane things in public that will really humble you… Truth is, life with kids is just unpredictable. As soon as we accept this for what it is, the easier time we’ll have when we need to face the situation. You’ll get back on track!
*Bonus – Waiting for the “perfect” time
- I sometimes find myself waiting for the perfect time to do things other than just doing them because it would make me happy. I’ve waited for the “perfect” day to dress James in an adorable outfit I’d been saving only for her to grow out of it. I’ve waited to use the good wine glasses for a special occasion or convinced myself there was a better time of day to enjoy dessert. The truth is there is never a perfect time and we don’t know what our future holds for us. I don’t want to keep waiting anymore. I want to create the occasion, use the good glasses, dress my kids in cute outfits, and take every opportunity to make life feel special.
The deeper I grow into my role as a mother, the more aware I become of what works best for our family. Not everything is going to go according to plan. The saying, “You make plans and God laughs,” has never felt more true since having kids.
Letting go is hard, especially when something has been part of your routine or identity for years. But I’ve learned that the more I let go in this season of life, the lighter my load becomes. Not because these things no longer matter, but because they do. They just look different now. Motherhood has taught me that sometimes the key isn’t letting go of what matters, it’s learning new ways to make space for it.
XO,
Kassie
