We’ve all heard the term, “Breast is best.” It can bring up guilt and anxiety to many mothers, including myself. Sure, it is the ‘best’ nutrients we can give our new baby, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone. Formula is an amazing route for mothers who are not able to produce enough milk on their own to sustain their baby’s needs. It’s also just an amazing option for those of us who simply choose not to breastfeed for personal reasons. Choosing formula doesn’t mean we are “bad” moms, even if society makes us feel this way. Choosing to breastfeed is a beautiful thing, but do you know what is even more beautiful? Making sure not only your newborn is taken care of, but that you are too. You deserve that no matter how you choose to feed your baby.
I knew I was going to combo-feed my son ever since finding out I was pregnant. Combination-feeding includes breastfeeding, pumping and supplementing with formula.
I initially chose this route because as a postpartum nurse, I saw the struggle women can face when exclusively breastfeeding. This includes being the sole caregiver to wake during the night, being tied to a feeding schedule, not knowing if baby is receiving enough milk, sore nipples and on top of all that, you are physically and most likely mentally healing from just birthing a human. Of course I was willing to do that for Noah, but knowing that formula was also an option, I chose what I thought was ‘best of both worlds.’ As time went on, I began to realize that even with all the feeding and pumping I was doing, my milk supply was not going to cut it as the main food source for Noah. I yearned to be able to breastfeed him, but at this point, my milk supply was established and my body was not going to be able to produce more. Eventually he stopped latching altogether, but I continued to pump a few times a day until he was 6 months old.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, James, I was determined to exclusively breastfeed for as long as I could. I felt I could succeed after learning from my first (oldest child is always the guinea pig, right?). I did my research, and found that women’s bodies can actually create more milk ducts with subsequent pregnancies. I’m proud to say I exclusively fed James breastmilk until she was 5 months old. However, this took a major toll on me. My main goal was to make sure I had enough milk. I did everything I could to make this happen. I took supplements from the Legendairy Milk brand, chugged Body Armor like it was my job to keep them in business, pumped after almost every feed (I even power pumped several nights), and saw a lactation consultant regularly. I became obsessed with wanting to exclusively breastfeed. I was glued to my couch the first 8 weeks of James’s life. Thank God for my husband who helped with Noah during this time. I knew this wasn’t sustainable, but still managed until James was 7 months old. I started seeing signs of Noah resenting the pump and his sister, so I knew it was time to cut back.
It’s been about a month now that I’ve completely weaned. While I miss that bond James and I shared, knowing all that we powered through together makes me so incredibly proud. Hindsight is always 20/20 I’ve learned with motherhood. Once I stopped breastfeeding James, I actually became happier, less stressed and closer with Noah again. While I was in the thick of it, I thought I was doing what was best for my baby. Even though I always told myself that I would stop nursing if it became too much, it was so hard to stop. Your mind and body are always torn when you have more than one kid, trying to decipher who needs what the most at any given time.
I hope to have more children one day, and honestly, I’m not sure which route of feeding I will choose. It’s hard as mothers to want the best for our children and ourselves while also being bombarded by societal pressures. It’s unfortunate that there are so many critiques on a sensitive subject, but I’d like to think we are getting better! There are always sacrifices to be made when choosing our parenting styles, and we won’t get it right each time. That’s the beauty of parenthood, it’s ever-evolving. Whether we choose to breastfeed, formula feed or a combination of both truly shouldn’t matter. When I was a postpartum nurse, one of the most important things I used to tell new parents is that “fed is best.” It’s obviously easier said than done – especially since at that point I had not had children, but I’d like to think it still rings true.
XO,
Kassie
